where are the clothes???

(this post has been written with the help of my insightful and wonderful husband, Orlondo)

women, where are your clothes?
as the temperature goes up and summer approaches, people spend more and more time outside, walking, running, sitting, sunning, playing sports... and women shed layers and layers of clothing, until there seem to be no more to shed!
sadly, even when we go to church, we see short shorts, tight jeans, and low necklines showing cleavage, and even more sadly, nothing is said from the pulpit about this lack of modesty in and out of the church!!! it seems that our leadership is afraid to make a statement about clothing, and i wonder: is it because they are afraid of offending those sitting right in front of them? or do they not see it? is it about attendance? are people SO entrenched in the culture that they don't even SEE it anymore??
it seems to be like the frog in a warming pot of water, who doesn't escape because he doesn't even notice the water getting hotter and hotter. he stays there till the water boils and he dies, without even being aware.
one sunday, we were sitting behind a very conservative older couple who had a daughter of about 13. her skirt only came below her crotch about 3 inches, drawing the eye and the mind to wonder if and when something inappropriate might be revealed. so after the service, Orlondo spoke privately to the father, and the father's response was that he didn't think it was bad!!! how can this be?
here are some current stats on the online porn industry (only ONE aspect of this terrible problem):

EVERY SECOND, 28,258 internet users are viewing porn (how many seconds did it take you to comprehend that sentence?)

EVERY MINUTE, $184,500 is spent on porn (how many minutes will it take you to read this post?)

70% of men ages 18-34 visit a porn site in a typical month

$10 - $14 BILLION is spent on porn annually, the same amount the US government spends on FOREIGN AID!

12% of the websites on the internet are pornographic

25% of search engine requests are for porn

there are 116,000 searches for "CHILD PORNOGRAPHY" every DAY!

the average age at which a child FIRST sees porn online is 11.

the most popular day of the week for viewing porn is SUNDAY.

38% of adults say porn is morally acceptable

50% of PASTORS regularly look at porn

for these stats and more, done in a much more interesting and artistic way, please visit these websites: marshill stats on porn and onlinemba stats on internet porn

you may think, well, that's online porn, completely different than when i'm walking down the street or sitting in a church pew. what makes you think that men won't look at as much skin as they can in real life??! it is just as arousing, if not more arousing, to see real, live, skin, put on display. and yes, YOU are the one putting it on display, so don't get angry at a man for seeing what you have shown! it is extremely confusing and frustrating to a man when you show them your body in a sexual way, but then get angry or look down on him when he is aroused by you.
and this 'arousal' doesn't mean what you may want it to mean. generally, women want to be loved, accepted, desired, and chosen above any other woman. we want a man to look at us and think, i LIKE that girl! true desire (related to love) from a man leads a woman to want sex. but women, when you show your breasts and upper thighs, men think SEX only, not 'love', not 'like'. they are not thinking of YOU and your person, they are simply seeing woman parts. just like when they view porn.

when men see any part of a breast, they immediately see sex, and can only assume that since you are wearing that shirt, you want them to see sex. do you want your husband/boyfriend/future husband to see other women's cleavage? your thighs have the same effect. men will view you as a sexual object when they see these parts. and it doesn't have to be skin; tight clothes leave little to the imagination and cause men to see exactly what your shape is. it is not a stretch for their minds to imagine you naked in a split second. do you think your mate wants his buddies to view you sexually???
a comedian once put it this way: if you wear a cop's uniform, people WILL assume you're a cop, even if you're not. if you're not a cop, why are you wearing a cop's uniform?? so if you dress like you want sex, like you're easy, like you're AVAILABLE, men will assume those things about you. YOU have chosen the wardrobe that communicates those things.

if you are one of the 38% of american adults who say porn is morally acceptable, think again.
Jesus said, "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:27-28
it happens in a flash, or as fast as it takes to look. women, don't be partially responsible for causing someone to sin. and before you belittle your responsibility by saying, 'he shouldn't be looking,' remember  Jesus said, "Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come. It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone (they weigh over 100 lbs) tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin. So watch yourselves." Luke 17:1-2
i have heard the idea many times that it is more ok for a younger woman to wear provocative clothes, especially if she is not married. but if you're not married, you STILL don't have the right to tempt someone to look at your breasts and crotch. believe me, men will like you because you are a woman. they will like you for being nice and virtuous. and just as you probably think you truly want a 'good man' who will be faithful to you, most men want the same attributes in a woman. the men you will attract by showing your body are not the ones worth finding.
and what happens when your body grows older and gets out of shape? if a man is only attracted to your looks, what does that say about your personality, or about the man you chose!?
this is what the Bible has to say about women's looks:
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment... Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of greater worth in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4
"I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety... with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God." 1 Timothy 2:9-10

your body is for your husband. when you get married, you will still talk to other people, hang out in crowds, speak on the phone, smile..... but if you want to be faithful, you will NOT have sexual relations with anyone else.  sex is to be a specialness, a uniqueness, in marriage. even people who are not particularly moral get angry when their spouse is unfaithful, hence shows like maury and jerry springer... we know deep inside that a relationship between a man and a woman should be exclusive, between only two people who love each other. sex is the physical expression of being with the person who truly KNOWS you and LOVES you.
because your husband will be the only one having sex with you, he should be the only one to view you sexually, and that is where your clothing comes in. looking sexy and looking nice are not the same thing. looking sexy is something you can do in privacy, for your husband, because it leads to sex. looking nice is when you wear clothes that cover you and show your personality. for example, they match your complexion and accent your eyes and hair....

here's a thought: if all women were truly modest (which includes dress and actions), there would be no pornography, no unwanted pregnancies, no broken relationships, no adultery.... there would be fewer divorces and, thus, fewer kids in trouble with the law due to broken families. and really, there would be no fearful feelings of jealousy between women.

so how can we make this practical?? here are guidelines that we really believe can communicate modesty here in the USA, while allowing you to be able to find clothes at stores:
the neckline of your shirts should cover ALL cleavage (the line between your breasts) and should not easily open when you bend over.
your shirts should cover your pants' waistline by at least a few inches so that they don't rise up when you bend down or sit down.
shorts and skirts should be long enough to almost reach your knees. and i mean like 4 inches above your knee when you kneel down. if you commonly go up and down stairs or are on stage, maybe wear leggings underneath to avoid any accidental viewings.
ALL clothing should be loose enough to get your fingers easily underneath without stretching the material. no one should be seeing the exact shape of your bra or underwear.
your bra should be substantial enough to hide nipples AT ALL TIMES, even when it's cold out. this includes sports bras, which tend to be stupidly thin.
just because it's the style doesn't mean it's ok.

what do you honestly think God's opinion is of the outfit you're wearing right now? does it honor HIM? does it honor your husband/future husband?
can you look at your closet and say, 'here is the wardrobe of a respectable woman'?
if not, and be honest, it's time to get a new wardrobe. if you don't have a lot of money, go to a goodwill; many of them honestly have some really good, up-to-date clothes (some with the tags still on) for CHEAP!
it's time for women to step up and be responsible for what we wear, for how we affect the men around us. their reaction to us is between them and God, but we need to do our part to be sure we do not cause them to lust after our bodies.
what will you honestly be able to say when you stand in front of God's throne on judgement day? will you be pure? were your clothes pleasing to Him? granted, we do not get into heaven by wearing modest clothes, but we still have to give an account for all our actions.
may the new style be respectable modesty! in reality, YOU, the consumer, drive what stores put on their clothing racks; what message will you send them?